I Love You...Now Change!

In today's world of anorexic models and generic ideas of what attractiveness is, people are finding more and more reasons to be dissatisfied with their appearance and they are turning to quick fixes, thinking that it will boost their confidence levels, consequently making them more popular. Women are obsessed with looking like Kate Moss and men are obsessed with having physiques like the pro athletes on television who most likely got their muscles superficially. However, they rarely take the time to think of the consequences. For some people, it can become addictive, finding one thing after another that can be improved on after having the first surgery. Is it really worth it to shell out all of this money and go through the hassle of surgeries to supposedly make you feel better? Wouldn't it just be easier to embrace the way you look and love yourself for the real you instead of the cut, scraped, and sucked you? Couldn't we stop trying to model ourselves after celebrities and realize that the average person doesn't look like that? Most of those things that celebrities have and that we tend to envy were paid for...many of them have gotten have gotten so much "work" done that it is hard to decipher what nature gave them from what they got at their surgeon's hands.

Nowadays, there are so many different things a person can do to tweak their appearance that it is easy to be sucked into the world of liposuction and botox injections. It is a lot easier than waking up every morning, looking in the mirror, and being content with what you have. It is way easier than asking people to accept you for the person you are, whether overweight or underdeveloped. If a person really loved you, they would love your flaws as well because they are a part of you. You should never change who you are for anyone. It may be true that tons of people go under the knife everyday and come back looking and feeling better, rid of their insecurities. But plastic surgery can also go very wrong...is that a risk you want to take? As for me, I'm waking up everyday and finding new reasons to love myself.

how r u...kk ttyl!

I know that my last few entries may have come off as diary entries more than anything. What can I say? I write what I feel no matter what that may be. But I'm back now...

I've been wondering why everything is becoming so impersonal in today's world and I think that I have identified the main culprits: text messaging,AIM,and e-mail...in that order. The days of calling someone to see how they're doing are past. Nowadays, we can just send a text message asking, "How r u?" Don't get me wrong, I see the convenience of all of these things. I can talk on AIM and watch a show at the same time. I can text message when I have something important to say but I am in a place where I can't talk. E-mail allows one to stay in touch with many people all at once. But sometimes it bothers me that I go so long without talking to a loved one that I forget how their voice sounds. And it also scares me that this may be the extent of the contact I have with my friends and family in the future. What petrifies me is that my father and grandmother text message me now. I really think that everyone should be able to take at least five minutes out of their day once or twice a week to call someone and check on them and hold an actual conversation rather than chatting on AIM. The new practices are quicker and more convenient but there is nothing like an old-fashioned phone call or, dare I say, a visit?

Enough Said...

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-Mohandas Gandhi
Forgiveness is the greatest healer of all. –Gerald Jampolsky & Diane V. Cirincione

I realized that many people have done me wrong in my life and inadvertently, I’ve held a grudge against them for a really long time. It’s time to let it go. I can forgive even if I choose not to forget. I was letting someone hold my life in his hands. I was letting what he did to me in the past dictate my future. I’ve decided now that I want my life back. I want to move on in life and look forward to the future without looking back to the past.

To Shamira

I've made a lot of mistakes but you aren't one
I was at my breaking point but then here you come
Bringing smiles to my face when I really want to frown
And lifting my spirits when everyone else is trying to bring me down
Who knew there could be so much power in something so fragile?
But it can't be denied, you're a blessing my child
When your little hand holds mine and you look into my eyes
I forget my flaws and focus on what I did right
Creating a beautiful baby, though some would say too soon
But you're here now my precious flower, I'm going to give you the love you need to bloom
Never thought I deserved something so beautiful
But God showed He still loved me by giving me you
You saved my life in so many ways
Everything was dark but now I'm seeing brighter days
For eight divine months, I carried you close to my heart
And though we are no longer one, we will never be apart
You are my rainbow in the sky, the breath that gives me life
The brightest star can no longer be found in the sky at night
I've captured it, you belong to me
Right here by my side for all to see
Times won't always be easy, they may get so hard that we want to quit
Challenges may be thrown our way, but together we can face it
My love will never fade, it goes on for eternity
And we'll create our own paradise, you and me

As parents, we have to be the voice of reason all of the time and the bad guy most of the time. We try to consider our children's feelings but we have to ultimately do what we think is best for them and, as a result, we may say things we don't mean and cause our children to doubt that we love them and have their best interests at heart. I've realized that my actions don’t always prove to my daughter just how much I love her. I decided to write a few words, in the form of a poem, for her to read when she gets older. This way, when we have fights, she won’t ever think that I don’t love her. Instead, she’ll know that I always did.

Everyday Inspiration

Everyone has difficult days in their lives. For some people, they occur more often but they are something that everyone has in common. Being a single mother trying to balance work, school, relationships, and a precocious 2 year old takes a lot out of me and there are days where I just don't feel like getting out of bed. I talked to my favorite aunt about it and she mailed me a poem that I decided to hang up on my wall for those days when I needed a little bit of help convincing myself to get out of bed. I think that everyone can relate to it in some kind of way and, in hopes that it may be able to help someone else, I am going to post the poem here. Again, these are not my words but I think that they are words of wisdom that should be passed on. Though at first read, it appears to be about moving past failed relationships, I believe that it can be applied to other aspects of life or at the very least help a person find that inner strength that everyone possesses whether they know it or not. This poem can help a person move past almost any hardship, whether it be a failed relationship or a lost job.


Comes the Dawn

After awhile you learn the subtle differences
Between holding a hand, and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean security
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in mid flight
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much,
So you plant your own garden, and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring flowers
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong
And you really have worth
And you learn, and learn...And you learn
With every goodbye you learn
"You don't have to be afraid of change
You don't have to worry about what's been taken away
Just look to see what's been added."

So spread your wings and learn to soar to a brighter horizon...even if its on your own.

Commercial Complaints

Is it just me or are commercials these days getting extra annoying? The main one that I must note here is, of course, the Optimum Triple Play commercial with the mermaids and the sea dragon. That stupid chant of "877-393-4448" drives me up the wall. Yes, it makes the number more memorable but it makes me want to gag at the same time. I am also more than a little bothered by the fact that my two year old daughter sticks her head out the window while I'm driving and screams, "It's my money and I need it now!" I know that there is pressure on businesses today to make consumers want to buy their products but there should be a limit to how many times a certain commercial can be played. For anyone that may have been living under a rock and who has never seen the Optimum commercial...you can't say that I didn't warn you.

Ahhh, the Beauty of Free Information Systems...

So, the students in Professor Farley's Creative Nonfiction class were given the opportunity to search for the full online text of Andrei Sakharov's essay "Reflections on Progress, Peaceful Coexistence, and Intellectual Freedom." Needless to say, I succeeded. But it was not an easy task. Oh no, it was far from it. My first instinct ( as well as that of many others, I'm sure) was to search Google or Dogpile because they are like the ultimate in finding any information you could possibly be searching for. Not this time, though. I got absolutely nothing but what our professor had originally found, the opening paragraphs and nothing more. Not one to throw in the towel too easily, I began to explore options for finding what I needed. Then, I remembered a lesson I had received in my Discover New York class on utilizing the databases provided by St. John's University which are filled with more information than can be imagined. I figured since it hadn't failed me then, maybe it wouldn't fail me now. The rest of the story is unimportant because obviously I found the full text of the essay so, without further ado, this is how one would go about accessing it in the form of the original article published in the New York Times on July 22, 1968 (I wasn't able to post it here because it is copyrighted and is thus immune to copy and pasting):

1.) Go to the St. John's University home page at www.stjohns.edu

2.) Click on the link near the top of the page that says Academics & Schools

3.) Click on the Libraries link

4.) Click on Databases A-Z

5.) The databases are listed in alphabetical order so just find the letter N and click on New York Times Historical (Proquest)

6.) You will see search boxes with a variety of different options...In the Date Range field, click On This Date and enter 7/22/1968 in the box

7.) In the long search box at the top enter keywords Russian Nuclear Physicist and hit the Search button

8.) Click on the third result that starts off Text of Essay by Russian Nuclear Physicist

9.) The file should automatically start downloading when you click the link but if your computer blocks it, just click the bar at the top and choose Download File and click Open

10.) The article will finish downloading...peruse at your leisure.

I was not prompted for a password at any time during this process. I am not sure if the databases are only available to St. John's University students, faculty, staff, and alumni but, if they are and others are denied access...sorry but that is the beauty of higher education.